How to Make Marriages between Young People Last

As the word ‘young’ is entirely subjective, let us limit the age range to people of legal age to marry but no older than their early twenties. Basically, these individuals aren’t even at the peak of their lives and only a small percentage of them may have actually achieved their lifetime goals. In many ways, people at this age are not yet fully mature, emotionally and financially speaking, but have nonetheless entered into marriage. Still, this doesn’t have to be a recipe for disaster as long as both partners are committed to each other and making their relationship work.

Reasons for Marriage

Why did you decide to marry this early? Is it truly because you can’t live without each other? Is it due to an accidental pregnancy or a legal necessity, such as one partner being sent to work abroad and the only way you can accompany your partner is if you were married to him or her?

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There are many good reasons to marry. It’s hard to enumerate and categorize them. Bad reasons for marrying, however, are easier to distinguish. That you were forced to do so is one. That yours is an arranged marriage is another. Your past reason for marrying notwithstanding, are both of you willing to commit to your marriage right now? If so, you need to come up with a better reason for sticking to your marriage. Even if love is not present in one or both sides, there can still be a good reason to work hard for your marriage. Consider this: given a chance to meet your partner in a different set of circumstances, do you think it’s possible you’d fall in love with him or her? Can you envision living a long and happy life at your partner’s side? Can you envision a great future for both of you? If you answer ‘yes’ to even one of these questions then keep it in mind because you’ve now found your reason for committing to your marriage.

Realistic Expectations about Marriage

If older people who marry still end up having unrealistic expectations about marriage then what more if younger couples are involved? Unrealistic expectations are one of the greatest threats to any marriage and it’s best to get rid of them as soon as possible.

Time

Marriages need time to build. No matter how long you’ve been together prior to your marriage, having a relationship and living together are still worlds away from having an actual marriage. It’s not just about a mere slip of paper that changes your status. It’s a lot more than that. Marriages are institutions – legally and religion-wise – and they come with obligations for both partners. Both of you are responsible for helping each other for better or for worse. Marriage is a promise to care for each other throughout your lives and all these can only happen if you spend time together. Quality time is not just sleeping on the same bed every night. Most of the time, it’s those little moments that allow both of you to bond. If you can commit even to spending one or two nights – or afternoons if that’s what works best for both of you – a week with each other, doing things together, then that would be a great start.

Talk

Just talk. It’s when couples stop communicating that trouble starts brewing. So talk! Sure, discussing about your favorite movie or even the weather could constitute as small talk but you should also discuss your marriage once in a while. Talk about your hopes and fears of the future, what you want from your partner, and what you hope to contribute to the marriage.

Fights

There will always be the possibility that you and your partner would quarrel. It’s just as possible that you’d quarrel a lot and over the smallest of things. That’s only normal and you shouldn’t consider it as an indication of your marriage’s likelihood of survival. At this point, you and your partner are still adjusting to the idea of living together as man and wife and having to live up to the promises you’ve made to each other. If you think about everything that you’ve sworn to do in honor of your marriage, don’t you just feel a little bit burdened and anxious? And that’s perfectly normal! What you can do, however, is to unload your problems. Share them with your spouse and you may be surprised to know that it’s something your partner worries about as well. Consider it a good sign; people only worry when they care, after all.

Listen

At your age, you no doubt feel you know best because you’re the one who’s in the marriage. Certainly, that’s true in many ways, but would it really kill you if you just listen to what your respective parents have to say? Contrary to popular belief, taking advice does not equate to weakness or even ignorance. It’s the opposite. By taking advice, you are strong and mature enough to admit that you may be wrong or that you need help. Don’t be afraid to admit your fears to people you love and asking for their help. Get all the advice you need then use both your mind and heart in deciding how best to apply what you’ve learned to your marriage.

Have Fun

Last but not the least, don’t forget to have fun. You’ve no doubt heard the older and “wiser” ones advising both of you to start getting serious about your lives because you’re now married and perhaps about to start a family as well. Be that as it may, you shouldn’t think that having obligations mean you can’t ever have fun! Of course not! Marriages should be fun. They can’t survive if they’re not. So once in a while, take the time to have fun. Have fun with your family, friends, and partner. Needless to say, remember to do so in moderation. Having fun is one thing, but acting inappropriately (such as flirting like you were single) or blowing off your budget for a shopping spree is another.